We came back here today - a kind of pilgrimage of peace - six months after our last visit. Last time I sat in these hands we were preparing for our IVF embryos to be transferred in. We were so full of hope and expectation having recovered from the devastation of the events of the … Continue reading Tho He slay me…..
The other day I found myself listening to the song that helped me through our first failed IVF pregnancy at the beginning of the year. It's a beautiful song by Emile Sande called Breathing Underwater and sums up for me the incredible, despair-free journey we took as we lost two little ones to miscarriage over … Continue reading We’re going on a Bear Hunt
To my darling nieces, I have just returned from another wonderful afternoon with you and wish I could convey how full you leave my mother's heart every time I come away. I am brimming, bubbling, effervescing with the sheer joy of having spent time in your company. One day I will tell you just how … Continue reading A Letter to my Nieces
"As quiet hours turn into years....." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eru8DlHoOFM Allman Brown & Liz Lawrence - Sons and Daughters
Reading declarations of love and appreciation about someone's spouse on social media has a tendency to make me feel just a little bit queasy. I'm not madly into PDAs although hand holding and the occasional side hug are fine every now and then. But it would be wrong of me, after all this time, not … Continue reading My Husband, My Hero
When it finally happened, just over two weeks after my scan, nothing could have prepared me for this miscarriage. The clinic's simple instruction to 'go home and miscarry', and even my previous experiences were insufficient. I feel it's important to share some of the details of my miscarriage here on this blog, not to wallow … Continue reading Miscarriage
I was reminded of a simple truth as I entered church on Sunday evening and heard the comforting sounds of worship music playing: God's very nature is to redeem everything. Our Father, who has spent the whole of eternity drawing his children back to himself, cannot help but restore, redeem, renew, revive, re-make, rekindle, repay. … Continue reading Beauty from the Ashes
I've been asking myself this week whether blogging in my current state is a wise idea. I'm not feeling particularly rational. I've been struggling to sleep. I haven't spent hours in prayer or reading my Bible this week and I'm not really hearing God speak to me. Any observations or wisdom that might spill out … Continue reading In the Eye of the Storm
Max Lucado once said, “Rather than ask God to change your circumstances, ask him to use your circumstances to change you". I'm going to be honest, not once in the fifty months that we have been going through infertility have I stopped asking God to change my circumstances. I still long to have children of … Continue reading Counting the Treasure
Don't you just LOVE it when God interacts with you in a way that leaves you in no doubt that He really is listening and walking alongside you!? There have been times in my life, as I guess there may well have been in yours, when I have felt that all I can hear is … Continue reading Moments of Wonder, Moments of Joy
